Getting sexy while drunk is great, but sober sex can be just as satisfying. Women can find that they lose their inhibitions and become more adventurous sober.
It is important to remember that clear consent is required before any sexual activity. Consent can be verbal, nodding, or even body language.
1. You’re apprehensive
People who drink can’t always register what they’re doing or hearing, and they can’t make lucid decisions. They may have short-term memory problems and delayed reactions, and they might be sleepingy or nauseous.
Some of these effects can be sexually problematic, especially when someone is too drunk to consent. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for assault, but some people use it to avoid taking responsibility.
It’s important to have clear, open conversations about sex before you drink and to check in during the act. Consent is reversible, and it should be obvious and enthusiastic (even if verbal). It’s also important to remember that body language can communicate consent as well – nodding or smiling is usually positive. You can also use a barrier method protection, regardless of whether you’re having oral or vaginal sex.
2. You’re nervous
Sexual intimacy should always be consensual, but it can be more difficult to establish consent when alcohol is involved. Intoxication can impair a person’s judgment, make it hard to communicate clearly, and lead to confusion about what is considered “go” or “no-go” sexual acts.
People who are nervous or averse to sex are more likely to drink to relieve their anxiety. But drinking is not a cure for these issues and may even make them worse.
It’s also dangerous to rely on alcohol as your social lubricant, since you’re restricting the types of sex you can have and it’s unlikely that your orgasms will feel as good when you’re sober. So set a drink limit for yourself and bring protection regardless of what you’re planning to do sexually.
3. You’re insecure
Often, women who are insecure about being intimate will resort to alcohol because they feel that they cannot connect with their partners without it. There are many reasons why a woman may feel this way, including past sexual trauma and low self-esteem.
In order to work on these issues, it is important that you talk about them with your partner and see how you can address them together. If you are able to come up with ways to connect with your partner outside of drinking, you may find that you don’t need the “social lubricant” to be intimate.
It is also worth mentioning that if your partner needs alcohol to be intimate with you, it may be time to reconsider this relationship. Being dependent on substances is not healthy for anyone, including your relationship.
4. You’re stressed
Intimacy is about more than just the physical, and if you are relying on alcohol as a social lubricant to get intimate with your partner, it could mean that you aren’t emotionally or sexually close. Instead, you could focus on connecting and deepening your bond.
Alternatively, it may be that you are stressed in your relationship and that drinking makes sex more tolerable. If so, you may need to talk to your partner about your expectations and how to communicate them effectively.
Remember that a person cannot give consent when they are drunk. It’s important to establish boundaries beforehand, and to always bring a barrier method of protection. This will help you to navigate different sex scenarios without becoming dependent on alcohol as a social lubricant.
5. You’re bored
Having a sense of sameness and boredom in a relationship can be a big warning sign, especially if you notice that you don’t enjoy your time together or have no new experiences. This is a surefire sign that it’s time to talk about how to keep things exciting, and possibly seek professional help from a therapist for both you and your partner.
In healthy relationships, occasional feelings of boredom are normal and can actually be a good thing. They can signal that your relationship is maturing and that you’re making more of an effort to keep it interesting. However, if you and your partner are constantly resorting to alcohol as a way to be intimate, then it’s time to make some changes for the sake of your health and well-being.